I have a capsule inside me. It is a capsule that I don't always see because it is transparent.
Sometimes I am encapsulated in that capsule, and I cannot get out. I don't see anything except for myself.
Whatever else is happening around me gets ignored and simply disappears into ashes – they don't literally disappear, but their existence and presence in things like a notification dot, an unopened letter, or a to-do list have no effect on me, and I do not see them.
This is an attempt to capture this moment
September 16, 2022
This is it.
When I am encapsulated, there is honestly nothing that I attempt to complete. I simply see things flash through my eyes. I still talk to people, I tell them about one set of mind that I have – the mindset that the ideal self owns, at times that are normal. It's a mindset that I at this very moment possesses very little.
What I possess currently is so hard to describe for myself. I do not want to talk about it just like the property of the mindset itself. When I am in this deep and eerie mindset, even the philosophies I have thought over, read over, and experience will not save me. I am in a sense, possessed.
Possessed I say.
You don't see a difference in me, but there are things deep within that one cannot simply observe roaring like a lake of lava, with the bubbles popping here and there. It's the opening of the volcano. It's... something I don't want.