2 min read



This is not about Mars.

I was thinking about interstellar, or, thinking about the moment when Dr. Brand was left on a foreign planet, safely, lonely, "by the light of our new sun."

An exotic situation; some kind of rebirth after chaos.

The loneliness is coupled with hope, and hopefully, the hope suppresses the loneliness?

It's funny huh? - how hope has to rely on another hopeful.

It could be some hope for me - like some one-in-8-billion human hope to rise higher and higher, rise to the top, what do I gain? That might be the superiority of being in charge of everything, might be the contentful feeling of being the center of some system.


Matter of fact, there are people who are, well, incapable. People like me, who are, frankly and regrettably, not as demonstrative as others. In the current stage maybe, or the next stage, or the stage after the next one? To be this, to be this exact level of mentally disabled.

They die anyway, they all die. Those who smoke or those who don't. Those sinister and those kind.

Destiny and death.

It's like a path integral over a closed-loop over a conservative field. Whatever the paths we are taking, we get a solid egg - a solid 0.

It's just whatever I feel like.

I was thinking about writing a concession.

Something like:

This is probably just such low-level thinking, without much of a purpose to it. Contrary to those superior thinkers who laugh at us, or not, we are the mundane ones, and we think this way. They might be superior, but we are the laypeople, the amateurs, and the prosaic, and we are good like that.

Ok, maybe just the first sentence. The rest feels disrespectful towards the superior thinkers.

But I thought, why bother, it doesn't move me in a better position.

I am what I am.

And if they think I am otherwise, what does that mean, and why does that matter.

It doesn't, they might be saying, and that's exactly the point.

"I am here"

That's what they always say, but it's not like their presence changed anything.